If your friends are struggling financially, here are some ideas for how you can help:

Don’t give them money: If one of your friends comes to you asking for financial help, it can be tempting to give them money. But as “Eat, Pray, Love” author Elizabeth Gilbert discovered, sometimes too much financial generosity between friends can be a bad thing. Friendships can all too often be damaged when money comes into the picture. Giving money to friends can create uncomfortable feelings of obligation, resentment, or an unwelcome power imbalance in the relationship.

Don’t co-sign on a loan: Many people might be tempted to help their friends by co-signing on a loan, making it possible for the friend to borrow money to buy a car or pay off debt. This is a well meaning but all-too-common money mistake. If you co-sign on a loan, no matter how much you trust your friend and no matter how sincere they are in wanting to repay the loan, the truth is that you are taking a big risk. As a co-signer on the loan, you are responsible for paying it back if your friend cannot make the payments. You might find that co-signing on a loan leads to a lot of lost money as well as a lost friendship.

Do give them your time: Instead of giving money to your friends, give them your time, attention and support. Have your friends over for dinner. Offer ideas and encouragement. Help them find supportive resources like Consumer Credit Counseling. If your friend needs to find a new job, offer to introduce them to helpful new connections from your professional network. Help them get ideas for helpful tools to set a budget, improve their credit and create a stronger financial foundation.

Do encourage them to look for the root cause: Have a conversation with your friend about what might be causing their financial problems. Of course, if someone has lost a job, the answer is easy – but often when people have financial problems there is a deeper, underlying cause that is limiting their ability to manage their personal finances. Do they have a lack of motivation? Are they depressed? Are they spending too much because they’re trying to “keep up with the Joneses” and live a lifestyle that they can’t afford and don’t even want? Can they simplify their life and drastically cut their spending? Do they need career counseling to find a new career path that is more fulfilling and more lucrative? What is holding them back from financial success?

Often when people are having financial problems they feel isolated and ashamed. Make it clear to your friend that you care about them and you want to help. But make sure you help in the right way. When people are in financial trouble, getting a loan from friends might do more harm than good. Friends can often help most by helping get their friends connected to supportive resources, new ideas, and helping their friends come out of the financial difficulties feeling stronger and more empowered than ever.

How to Help a Friend with Financial Problems was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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President Obama’s, until very recent, opposition to gay marriage is a blue ribbon example of emotions driving policy making decisions. The same goes for those voters in North Carolina. The word marriage is something wholly inseparable from our emotional constitutions. It involves the ephemeral and indescribable feeling of love, at least it should, and pragmatism gets tossed out the window when we discuss matters of the heart. The same holds true for opponents of the ban, their philosophical foundation rocked by the notion that any government policy would prevent someone from loving another person. And this is where the same-sex marriage debate gets mired in a quicksand pit of its own making.

To this writer, from a purely pragmatic perspective, the gay marriage issue is a financial issue. Were you to, forgive the pun, but divorce the word marriage from the debate and start passing pieces of legislation that allowed gay couples to file joint tax returns, make health care based decisions for one another, buy a house together, etc… I don’t believe the voting public would rally around an opposition to those things. Toss the word marriage in there and the situation goes nuclear, pushing everyone on either side of the debate to an emotional DEFCON 1.

The fact of the matter is, marriage is a religious, not public policy term. The government’s use of the term marriage is to define the financial situation of taxpayers, hence the term ‘common law marriage’ applied to live-in heterosexual couples who for all intents and purposes are ‘married’ but haven’t taken vows, knelt in a church or engaged in the chicken dance in front of family and friends over cooling plates of prime rib and empty cocktail glasses. Culture, not government defines marriage. We would all do well to remember this in an effort to tamp down the rhetoric. But, it’s an election year so who am I kidding.

In the world of your personal finances, cold hard rationalizations are what are going to keep you secure and financially safe. We don’t invest in company’s because we like the name, or give our friends $10,000 because they are our friends and they think they’ve invented the next Shamwow in their garage. You don’t buy a house you can’t afford because the window treatments are pretty and the tire swing reminds you of grandma’s farm. You may want to, but you don’t.

Now for the payoff as I graciously thank you for your attention during my diatribe. With a housing market still plump with quality, cost-friendly property’s, many people are seizing this moment to jump into the home owning game. But all this talk of marriage got me thinking, what if you’re not and you want to buy a house with someone, anyone, that you’re not joined to in financial government sanctioned matrimony. Can you get the same tax benefits, protections?

We say it over and over on the Quizzle Wire, but reality is repetition you’ve finally stopped ignoring. If you want to buy a house, are even casually thinking about it, check your credit. Too often first time, and second time for that matter, homebuyers realize all too late that their credit needs improvement to secure a sensible home loan. Credit scores can improve, but it takes time and discipline.

So if you want to buy a house with a partner, check your credit and then watch this video before you sit down to discuss this with you’re potential co-buyer. And remember, love and money – like emotions and public policy – never mix.

Mixed Emotions – Finance, Obama, Gay Marriage and Quicksand was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Like many of our future picks, this weeks honored money maven tops Wise Bread’s chart of Top 100 Personal Finance Blogs. If you’re looking to run a tighter household budget, Crystal Paine – The Money Saving Mom is just what you need.

Crystal, mother of two, describes herself as a Home Economist and it’s clear she has a PhD in stretching dollars. The Money Saving Mom offers readers a multitude of opportunities to not only learn how to better manager their funds, but find leads on today’s best deals and coupons from almost all the major retailers. A personal favorite of mine is one of her more popular series of articles, 31 Days to a Better Grocery Budget. All in all, the Money Saving Mom gives you the skinny on making, earning and finding more from less. Complete with a great sense of humor and a few quick turns of phrase, we highly recommend checking this blog out.

Personal Finance Blogger of the Week – Money Saving Mom was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Photo by [http://jmhphoto.net/ Jamie Howell

Nicknamed “Megatron” for his leaping ability and hand-eye coordination, Calvin Johnson is one of the best players in the NFL.

But along with his wealth and football skills, it appears that Calvin Johnson is a pro at financial planning as well.

According to this article, Calvin Johnson’s financial planning rule is to take care of his family first, and say “No” to everyone else who might ask him for money. Calvin Johnson said that he even had to change his phone number because he had so many people calling him asking for money after he signed his big contract.

This is a great idea for pro athletes, who are often vulnerable to unscrupulous financial advisers and targeted by risky investment offers. Pro athletes, despite their fame and big paychecks, are often at high risk of going bankrupt, as we wrote before in this article about Money Lessons from Bankrupt Athletes.

Photo credit: Jamie Howell. Available under free attribution license according to Wikipedia Commons. 

Why the NFL’s Calvin Johnson is a financial planning role model was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Financial generosity is important, but Elizabeth Gilbert discovered a few drawbacks to giving money away. In this article she wrote, “Confessions of an Over-giver,” Elizabeth Gilbert describes how too much charity can be a bad thing.

Elizabeth Gilbert wanted to help some friends who were experiencing financial difficulties. She paid off people’s credit cards, bought them plane tickets, paid tuition bills and even bought one friend a house.

But what she didn’t expect is that all of this generosity had a few unexpected downsides:

• Money changes relationships: Sometimes when you give money to friends, it changes the power dynamic of your relationship. Instead of being equals, one of you becomes a benefactor and the other is a recipient. This can create tensions and even cause the end of a friendship if you’re not careful.
• Some people’s money problems aren’t really about money: Elizabeth Gilbert writes that some of her friends seemed to need money, but once they got the money it turned out that their underlying problem wasn’t really solved. Maybe instead of getting money, they really needed to work on the emotional difficulties that were keeping them from succeeding on their own.
• You can’t afford to help everyone: Even a wealthy best-selling author can’t afford to fix everyone’s money problems. Sometimes people try to help their friends and families with financial problems, by donating money or co-signing on a loan, but there are risks as well as rewards of generosity. Take care of yourself and your family first, and don’t undermine your own financial security by trying to help others.

Read Elizabeth Gilbert’s article, “Confessions of an Over-Giver.”

Photo Credit: Erik Charlton, photo sourced on Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons Licensed. 

Lessons in financial giving from Elizabeth Gilbert was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Economic News that Affects Your Budget:

• More foreclosures coming soon: Lenders are sitting on a backlog of over 1 million home foreclosures that have been delayed due to regulatory hiccups and paperwork problems, but those foreclosures are expected to start soon. This means that housing prices could fall further, since more foreclosed homes will be added to the housing market.
• Gas prices may fall: Oil industry analysts say that the global supply of crude oil (which makes up 70% of the price of gas) might be sufficient to avoid any further run-ups in gas prices. This is good news for consumers who have been paying big money at the pump.
• Tax Day 2012 is April 17: Usually the deadline to file taxes is April 15, but since April 15 falls on a Sunday this year, and since April 16 is Emancipation Day (a holiday observed in Washington, D.C. to commemorate the freeing of the slaves), the 2012 tax deadline for filing tax returns is Tuesday, April 17.

Quizzle Links of the Week:

• Win $100 and a year of free credit monitoring from Quizzle! We’re hosting a contest! Learn more about how you can win $100 and a year of increased peace of mind about your credit.
• Dating and Money: It’s all about honesty. If you’re getting into a serious dating relationship, make sure you can be open and honest about your financial lives as well. If you’re thinking of moving in together, getting married and starting a life together, you need to know where each of you stands with money.
• Talk to your kids about money: Many teenagers aren’t getting the information and financial advice that they need to make smart financial decisions. Here’s how you can talk with your kids about money.
• Is getting a tax refund a bad thing? Many Americans look forward to their annual tax refund, but surprisingly enough, getting a check from Uncle Sam may not be the best financial move.

Quizzle Weekly Must-Reads: April 13, 2012 was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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When It Comes to Dating and Money: Lay It Out on The Kitchen Table. was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Here are a few reasons why parents need to talk with their kids about personal finance:

• Kids are managing their own money – over $15 billion per year is spent by “tween” children.
• College kids are taking on credit card debt – the average college student has $4,100 in credit card debt by the time they graduate.
• Financial literacy is part of a healthy, critical-thinking approach to managing your life. Without sound budgeting skills, people are likely to fall short of their goals in life.

If you’re a parent, don’t let financial literacy fall by the wayside with all the other important conversations you need to have with your children. Talk to your kids about how they can better manage their money, save money, spend smarter, and build a stronger financial foundation for the rest of their lives.

Source: Cincinnati Enquirer, Julia Heath, “Financial literacy more important than ever for teens,” March 30, 2012

Why you can’t afford not to talk to your kids about money was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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Stop buying things for them – give your kids money. If this sounds crazy to you and you think your kids will just waste the money, you’re probably right. But giving them money will make them feel empowered. Plus, for the first time they will actually have the bills taken out of their hands and feel that loss – even if they don’t understand it at first.

Pay them for their labor. Where does money come from? Doing a job. Some parents go back and forth over whether they should pay their children for chores or just make them an expectation, but paying your child for doing work in general is a great way for them to place value to money – as in, “I had to spend an hour raking the lawn for that $5!” If you’re still concerned about paying for chores, consider creating a minimum list of chores but paying for things they do above and beyond that list.

Don’t give them any more money. Once their “allowance,” or whatever you decide to call it, has been used, don’t give in and hand over more cash until the next scheduled time. They may not like it, but eventually it will make them start to think about being more careful with how they spend their money.

Offer to match money. If your child keeps harassing you about an expensive purchase, tell them that you can’t buy it for them, but you’ll help – by matching whatever amount they save. In fact, this is a good practice to encourage even when they aren’t trying to buy something specific. They’ll learn that saving money brings them more money – a lesson most of us could afford to learn!

Bargain hunts and trade-ins. Sometimes the concept of money just doesn’t make sense to kids (because, really, what is the value of money except the value that we put on it?), but even very young kids can understand the concept of getting 5 toys instead of 1. To this end, one great way to teach your kids about money is to go to a store like Toys R Us, then take them to a used or bargain store. At Toys R Us, their money will buy them one thing, but at the cheaper store, they can get several toys – more value! What do you think their choice will be? An offshoot of this is to let your kids resell or trade-in old toys and books to get new ones. Even though it’s not exactly money, they’ll start to learn the idea that three of these is worth one of these – and so on!

And of course, the most important way to teach your kids about money is by example – if you manage your money well, chances are they will learn good habits just by watching.

5 Tricks to Teach Your Kids about Money was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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My wife and I love watching Downton Abbey, the PBS show about an early 20^th Century English country estate and the intrigues of the landowning family, their household servants and the tumultuous events of the era. The show is very well done: smart writing, superb acting, and a perfectly crafted sense of place and time.

But as much as I love watching Downton Abbey, it also reminds me of all the ways that we are so lucky to be living in 21^st Century America. Despite the pretty dresses and refined manners and aristocratic bearing of the people on that show, the time period of Downton Abbey was, for almost everyone, a terrible time to be alive.

Here are just a few of the many ways in which life is better today than it was for the inhabitants of Downton Abbey.

In present-day America, women are allowed to control their own money.

 One of the major plot points of Season 1 of Downton Abbey was related to the personal fortune of Lady Grantham, the wife of the land baron Lord Grantham. Lord Grantham’s father hadn’t approved of his marriage to his wife (who was American), so as a condition of allowing them to marry, he wrote up an “entail,” a complicated legal document which tied the woman’s money to that of the estate. As part of the Downton Abbey entail, upon the death of Lord Grantham, almost all of his wife’s money will go, not to her, but to the designated heir of the estate. That’s a pretty raw deal, if you ask me. But for centuries, women weren’t allowed to have money or make their own financial decisions. Upon marrying her husband, a woman essentially became her husband’s property in the eyes of the law. Women could not sign contracts, own or inherit property, testify in court, vote, or participate in many other basic aspects of citizenship. 

In present-day America, women can inherit property and marry for love.

 Another plot point of Downton Abbey is related to the Lord and Lady Grantham’s ongoing efforts to find a suitable husband for their eldest daughter, Mary. The stakes were high for every marriage, especially among aristocrats, since marriage often had nothing to do with love, but was more often a strategic alliance between two wealthy families jockeying for more money, power and status. (And you thought your in-laws were bad!) Even with a near-50% divorce rate and all the trouble that goes with that, I’d rather live in present-day America with our messy-but-fully-consensual marriages, instead of living with the suffocating social norms of Edwardian England.

In present-day America, idle privilege is rare and frowned upon.

 The funniest thing about Downton Abbey, to me, is how none of the rich aristocrats ever have anything to do. They don’t have jobs, they don’t have to make their own breakfast or even put on their own clothes in the morning. All they do is…sit around their lovely country mansion and occasionally go horseback riding. It’s pathetic. But in Edwardian England, idle privilege was something to aspire to. It was the cultural ideal: how lovely and admirable that this landed country gentleman should devote his life to nothing more high-minded than taking care of his house and enjoying his property. What a waste, right? America is often mocked by “sophisticated” Europeans as being a crass, money-grubbing land of oil-drilling cowboys and Wall Street Masters of the Universe, but frankly I’d rather hang out with 21^st Century American rich people than the idle heirs and heiresses of Downton Abbey. At least in modern-day America, even if you’re rich, you’re still expected to go out and do something productive with your life. Even if you’re a billionaire, you’re supposed to start a charitable foundation or something.

No matter what money troubles you might be having, or what financial aspirations you’re struggling to meet, I think we can all agree that we’d rather be struggling with a bad credit rating or fighting to pay off credit cards and student loans in 21^st Century America than working as a servant at Downton Abbey in 1912. Their lives were really nothing to envy. And even the aristocrats weren’t “free” in the way that people are free today to direct the course of their own lives, without having to uphold some impossible standard or satisfy the unreasonable wishes of frumpy old relatives.

Now that I think about it, maybe I don’t like Downton Abbey after all. Maybe it reminds me of all the reasons why I’m glad we fought a Revolutionary War to break away from England and put an end to all that awful Old World aristocratic nonsense. I’m going to go put on a tricorne hat and play “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”  

Whether your personal finances are more like Lord Grantham, the Dowager Countess or a poor servant toiling in the Downton Abbey kitchen, fortunately you have the ability to change your circumstances. Quizzle can help you with free tools and resources to manage your finances, improve your credit, save more money and spend more wisely. Here are some reasons why you should use Quizzle to get a free credit report, adjust your budget and strengthen your financial life.

Women Can Control Their Own Money – And Other Perks of Living in Modern America. was originally featured on Quizzle Wire

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